Leaving The Carousel

You started to leave as cold-nosed Winter
bulldozed through Guy Fawkes skies
and Christmas silent nights.

Your nearness was a far plane
of slumped reflection, deliberation,
contemplation of your plight; ours.

Suspicion stirred in morning tea
and pre-work niceties.

You watched my back
head buried
too close to the print.

Denial hugged; lied too long,
dismissing the cosseted phone
and obsessive hygiene.

Old realities played,
taunting.
Playground bullies.

Giggling-head days,
home fire Wednesdays,
pledges in sweat daze.
Churning still
on a distant carousel.

I hoped you could see
with your dead eyes
but they only begged for the ‘talk’
so you could bring it up
like rancid vomit.

Coward.

You left in the yellow haze of daffodils
and I hated you
with all the love anyone could imagine.

This entry was posted in Life & Emotion, Love & Romance, My Video Poems and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Leaving The Carousel

  1. Mary says:

    Ah, this is painful to read, yet so well expressed. The ending is very powerful, intense, sums it up!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. daisy chain says:

    The last 4 lines are tight.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sanaa Rizvi says:

    Oh this is so intense and heartbreaking…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Grace says:

    The ending was filled with emotional angst ~ I wonder what led up to this situation, still its very hard to hate someone, with all the love inside ~

    Thanks for joining us at Dverse ~

    Like

  5. ShirleyB says:

    Thank you, Grace. It’s not personal, yet gleaned from walking with others through life experiences.

    Like

  6. whimsygizmo says:

    I love this, much:
    “Suspicion stirred in morning tea”

    And boy, do I understand “hating with love.” Whew.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. ShirleyB says:

    Thank you, de (worked it out!) and yes, it’s the most painful way to hate.

    Like

  8. thotpurge says:

    Intense..love the last four lines.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Powerful, wow I feel like I got punched

    “Suspicion stirred in morning tea” says so much, and the last two lines wind it up well with a final

    Liked by 1 person

  10. daisy chain says:

    This is excellent.

    “Your nearness was a far plane
    of slumped reflection”

    “Your eyes begged for the ‘talk’,
    so you could bring it up
    like rancid vomit.”

    “You left in a yellow haze with the daffodils”

    Liked by 1 person

  11. What I really like the most is the feeling of predestined failure… an affair with all the intensity and all the ambitions and hope… yet I get a feeling something was doomed from the start. The last line is extremely powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

    • ShirleyB says:

      Yes, it’s like a retrospective look back at what happened. You don’t always see the clues until much later. Thanks for reading, Bjorn.

      Like

  12. Intense and the way you presented it was very nice. I feel very sad and yet there’s this underlying strength felt. Awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. ShirleyB says:

    Thanks so much. It’s so valuable when someone takes time to give feedback.

    Like

  14. I really like that second stanza and your excellent close!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. ShirleyB says:

    Thank you for reading, Jennifer

    Like

  16. Bryan Ens says:

    Loved the last 2 lines. Powerful contrary.

    Like

  17. ShirleyB says:

    Thanks, Bryan 🙂

    Like

  18. Lost Love..
    Loving Losses
    strange bedfellows
    of nuerochemicals
    and neurohormones
    that follow loss..
    dopamine
    pleasure
    riSinG..
    poeTry
    calls.. oxytocin
    social bonding
    falls.. caLLinG
    Love.. more..
    oh.. the signs
    and hints of
    nuero
    stuff.. now..
    to understand
    Nature can be
    to master
    iT iN..
    relative
    Free WiLL..
    wheRe no
    one..
    controls
    uS but Us..
    FREE iS
    alWays
    inside..
    trUly
    us.. inside..
    outside.. and
    aLL a’Round..
    at least i feel
    i kNow.. i feel
    i reason..
    i master
    relative
    free
    will..
    miNd and
    boDY balance
    as soUl oF uS..
    moving.. connecting
    in emoTioNaL spiRit
    oF heARt.. expresSinG..
    feeLinGs.. now regulating
    emoTioNs.. inTeGraTinG
    senses.. a dance now
    and SonG
    of LiFe
    for
    NOW
    free WiLL
    under Love..
    F R E E D O M..:)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. ShirleyB says:

    Wow, your writing flows, dances and sings off the page – in every way. Unique 🙂

    Like

  20. Sean Michael says:

    Sounds like an awkward morning and a bad break up long in the making. Good imagery. I could see everything going on in the kitchen, even hear the spoon clinking the cup as suspicion was stirred.

    Like

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